Time for another Sea Story,
I was a fire controlman in the Navy. What a fire control technician does is pretty cool. We maintain and operate the digital fire control system. In other words, we do all the repair and maintenance on the system that is used to track contacts from all the different sensors (sonar, radar, periscope). And we operated the fire control system by determining the range, course, and speed of different targets after evaluating the bearing data over time. Then we would figure out how to shoot those targets with torpedos, (or tomahawk missles).
Our watchstanding involved maintaining current solutions on all contacts in order to provide the Captain with an overall picture of the tactical situation.
Whenever we went to periscope depth we had to do specific things to ensure that we were certain of the "solutions" on all contacts. The Captain would come up to the control room and the OOD would inform the captain of where he believed all the contacts were. The Captain would then give the OOD permision to come to periscope depth. After several years onboard I had developed a reputation of being very good at this part of my job, (getting solutions). The Captain would receive the report from the OOD and we would begin our ascent to persicope depth. The OOD would be riding the scope and the Captain would lean down and quietly ask me, "allright, what are these guys really doing?" It was nice to have the Captain have that much trust and respect for my abilities.
Now, whenever we were at periscope depth at night time, the control room would be "rigged for black", meaning all the lights would be out. This made it hard to see. The seat I was in was within arms length of the persiscope. Now, usually when the scope was out there would be a crowd of 5 or so people standing around the periscope station waiting to "take a turn". I always found this to be annoying because they would be bumping in to me. It was usually the J.O.'s who were there to get experience (or say they were they for official reasons when they really just wanted to see outside). So I started to play a game. Remember it was dark?? Well, I would reach over in to the group and pinch one of them on the butt. Usually the guy on the scope. I did this for a couple of years (about three or four patrols) without ever getting caught. I got J.O.'s, the CO, the XO, the NAV... whoever. Then on my last patrol, we were at periscope depth, rigged for black. The Captain was on the scope. I was reaching my hand over and was just about to pinch... and the Captain says in a low voice, "fire control, if you touch me... you'll be down in my stateroom later accross a green table from me" (meaning I would go to Captains Mast [non-judicial punishment]). "Aye Aye Captain" I say.
After we came down from periscope depth the Captain came over to me with a grin on his face and basically told me that he had known all along that it had been me doing it and that I should never assume that the Captain doesn't know what's going on. But, the gig was up and I should find something else to do now.
Showing posts with label United States Navy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label United States Navy. Show all posts
10/18/2007
10/16/2007
Sea Story
My First Haircut
Life on a submarine for a new sailor (Non-qual, dink, scumbag, puke, nub) is very interesting and full of excitement. Even the most mundane of activities has an exciting air for a non-qual. I remember my first day underway. This is after I had awaken from a long sleep following finishing up my tour as a Crank (a guy on K.P. duty AKA cooks slave). I had quals to work on. So... being the smart non-qual that I was , I headed back to Machinery Two. As fortune would have it, there was a crowd of about 7 A-Gangers in AMR third level. I walked in and announced that I was ready for a checkout on some system (can't remember which one). Well, the COB (Chief of the Boat, [command Master Chief for you skimmers]) happened to be in the room shooting the breeze with the guys. He said I could have a checkout under one condition. I had to sit in the stool and everytime I got a wrong answer they would; spin me in circles, stop my spinning by grabbing my hair, cut off a handful of hair with the COB's pocketknife. Sounded good to me...
I didn't know as much about the system as I thought I knew. Wow!! there's a lot of little specific information to know for even the simplest equipment on a submarine. Like, "How many times did I have to retap the thread on the third bolt securing that pump to the deck?" I sure had a great haircut though. I looked like a Chernoble survivor! I walk up to the computer room which is just past the XO's and CO's staterooms. The XO notices me and gasps.
XO- "Sailor!? What happened to your hair?
ME- "I got it cut XO." (ask a dumb question...)
XO- "What the hell was used to cut your hair?"
ME- "It was a knife."
XO- "Did you do it yourself?"
ME- "No sir, it was done by some other people."
XO- "Who did this to you?"
ME- "You know sir, I'm so new that I can't really remember who they were."
XO- "You're not that new... Who was it!!?"
ME- "Sorry sir, I'm just not sure."
XO- "OK, where did it happen?"
ME- "Again sir, I'm so new that I don't really know my way around well enough. I'm not sure where I was."
XO- "Bullshit! You're dismissed!"
I took off and went and hid in DPER (pronounced deeper [the computer room]). Within 20 seconds you here over the 1MC, "Chief of the Boat, report to the XO's stateroom!" Well you could hear the XO explaining to the COB that he had better get to the bottom of the story regarding my haircut.
About 30 minutes later the messenger of the watch finds me and tells me to report to the Goat Locker (Chiefs Quarters). I walk in and find the COB and about 6 other chiefs sitting around in their lounge area. There is a stool, a towel, and some haircutting clippers. The COB sits me down and begins to cut my hair. He and the other chiefs visit with me, asking me questions about my childhood and my plans for the future. In the end the COB tells me, "You need to get out there and familiarize yourself with the boat and the rest of the crew now." Then he grabbed my qual card and signed it off for the system that my original "pocketknife checkout" had been for.
That COB saved my butt about a year in the future when I did something dumb on base. He had the reputation as being a mean old hardass. But, he took care of "his boys". Since the day I didn't rat him out, I became one of "his boys". That XO never did like me. But that's OK.
Life on a submarine for a new sailor (Non-qual, dink, scumbag, puke, nub) is very interesting and full of excitement. Even the most mundane of activities has an exciting air for a non-qual. I remember my first day underway. This is after I had awaken from a long sleep following finishing up my tour as a Crank (a guy on K.P. duty AKA cooks slave). I had quals to work on. So... being the smart non-qual that I was , I headed back to Machinery Two. As fortune would have it, there was a crowd of about 7 A-Gangers in AMR third level. I walked in and announced that I was ready for a checkout on some system (can't remember which one). Well, the COB (Chief of the Boat, [command Master Chief for you skimmers]) happened to be in the room shooting the breeze with the guys. He said I could have a checkout under one condition. I had to sit in the stool and everytime I got a wrong answer they would; spin me in circles, stop my spinning by grabbing my hair, cut off a handful of hair with the COB's pocketknife. Sounded good to me...
I didn't know as much about the system as I thought I knew. Wow!! there's a lot of little specific information to know for even the simplest equipment on a submarine. Like, "How many times did I have to retap the thread on the third bolt securing that pump to the deck?" I sure had a great haircut though. I looked like a Chernoble survivor! I walk up to the computer room which is just past the XO's and CO's staterooms. The XO notices me and gasps.
XO- "Sailor!? What happened to your hair?
ME- "I got it cut XO." (ask a dumb question...)
XO- "What the hell was used to cut your hair?"
ME- "It was a knife."
XO- "Did you do it yourself?"
ME- "No sir, it was done by some other people."
XO- "Who did this to you?"
ME- "You know sir, I'm so new that I can't really remember who they were."
XO- "You're not that new... Who was it!!?"
ME- "Sorry sir, I'm just not sure."
XO- "OK, where did it happen?"
ME- "Again sir, I'm so new that I don't really know my way around well enough. I'm not sure where I was."
XO- "Bullshit! You're dismissed!"
I took off and went and hid in DPER (pronounced deeper [the computer room]). Within 20 seconds you here over the 1MC, "Chief of the Boat, report to the XO's stateroom!" Well you could hear the XO explaining to the COB that he had better get to the bottom of the story regarding my haircut.
About 30 minutes later the messenger of the watch finds me and tells me to report to the Goat Locker (Chiefs Quarters). I walk in and find the COB and about 6 other chiefs sitting around in their lounge area. There is a stool, a towel, and some haircutting clippers. The COB sits me down and begins to cut my hair. He and the other chiefs visit with me, asking me questions about my childhood and my plans for the future. In the end the COB tells me, "You need to get out there and familiarize yourself with the boat and the rest of the crew now." Then he grabbed my qual card and signed it off for the system that my original "pocketknife checkout" had been for.
That COB saved my butt about a year in the future when I did something dumb on base. He had the reputation as being a mean old hardass. But, he took care of "his boys". Since the day I didn't rat him out, I became one of "his boys". That XO never did like me. But that's OK.
10/14/2007
10/12/2007
Submarine Bubblehead Humor
OK..., Tubedaze and "Hey, Shipwreck" is very very funny
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Go to this website or here on Youtube to see what I'm talking about. It's an animated series from a talented bubblehead. Basically it's a social commentary on the funny, rediculous, stupid, crazy, zany, frustrating things that happen on a submarine from the perspective of a "blueshirt". Kind of a "Dilbert" for sailors, specifically submarine sailors. But the great thing is that besides some inside jokes everybod could relate to most of the observations. I know that it greatly resembles the fire department where I work.
WATCH ALL THE EPISODES IN ORDER, IT IS VERY REWARDING
To read about the artist in the Navy Times, click here.
I just wish he didn't call Henry M. Jackson an "obscure politician". Scoop was the man!! And "Scoops Diner" is a great place to eat.
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Go to this website or here on Youtube to see what I'm talking about. It's an animated series from a talented bubblehead. Basically it's a social commentary on the funny, rediculous, stupid, crazy, zany, frustrating things that happen on a submarine from the perspective of a "blueshirt". Kind of a "Dilbert" for sailors, specifically submarine sailors. But the great thing is that besides some inside jokes everybod could relate to most of the observations. I know that it greatly resembles the fire department where I work.
WATCH ALL THE EPISODES IN ORDER, IT IS VERY REWARDING
To read about the artist in the Navy Times, click here.
I just wish he didn't call Henry M. Jackson an "obscure politician". Scoop was the man!! And "Scoops Diner" is a great place to eat.
10/05/2007
Peace Activists
An American submarine pulls in to Halifax, Nova Scotia. Peace activists, the geniuses that they are, protest the presence of this "nuclear weapon" in their city. They make a case for it being dangerous to the people and the environment.
It's a nuclear reactor on a ship. It's a propulsion system. I think if they search their souls and start being honest, they will just admit that they hate the United States of America and any ship that came there would be a target of their ire.
It reminds me of when my submarine pulled in to Long Beach we were attacked by Greenpeace. I happened to be the Topside Petty Officer on duty, (I was in charge of security and access at the brow and I was armed with a .45). Two Greenpeace zodiacs and a Greenpeace helicopter suddenly appeared and were racing toward the boat. The had threatened in the paper that they were going to board our submarine and paint it red to symbolize the murder and death we represented. I called away "Repel Boarders" and sounded the alarm. Within 30-45 seconds there were 100 sailors topside armed with fire hoses, billy clubs, big wrenches, brooomsticks, mops, and several other people under me with shotguns and .45's. Greenpeace decided not to get to close. It was great.
Not sure if that was the last time a real live "repel boarders" was called on a U.S. Navy submarine (this was in 1989) but it isn't common.
It's a nuclear reactor on a ship. It's a propulsion system. I think if they search their souls and start being honest, they will just admit that they hate the United States of America and any ship that came there would be a target of their ire.
It reminds me of when my submarine pulled in to Long Beach we were attacked by Greenpeace. I happened to be the Topside Petty Officer on duty, (I was in charge of security and access at the brow and I was armed with a .45). Two Greenpeace zodiacs and a Greenpeace helicopter suddenly appeared and were racing toward the boat. The had threatened in the paper that they were going to board our submarine and paint it red to symbolize the murder and death we represented. I called away "Repel Boarders" and sounded the alarm. Within 30-45 seconds there were 100 sailors topside armed with fire hoses, billy clubs, big wrenches, brooomsticks, mops, and several other people under me with shotguns and .45's. Greenpeace decided not to get to close. It was great.
Not sure if that was the last time a real live "repel boarders" was called on a U.S. Navy submarine (this was in 1989) but it isn't common.
8/17/2006
Lower Than Whale Dung
This guy has the same job that I had in the Navy. Looks like he hates his country though. What should they do with him? I can think of a few things I'd like to do. I don't want to have to go to confession however.
7/11/2006
7/09/2006
Sonar settlement
Seems that our submarines will be able to use active sonar after all in the excercises off Hawaii. The whales aren't innocent in this whole thing however. I remember on one patrol when a whale rammed my submarine after hitting us with his SONAR.
Pyro
Pyro
6/28/2006
Early Independence Day
Because of my work schedule and because I will be away for the holiday, I must do my Independence Day post early. Please forgive my prematurity (I think I just made that word up). I am very fond of my country. For all her flaws she is the greatest country in history. First, let us remember the cost of liberty.
Revolutionary War - 4,435
War of 1812 - 2,260
Mexican War - 13,283
Civil War (Union) - 364,511
Spanish-American War - 2,446
World War I - 116,516
World War II - 405,399
Korean War - 36,574
Vietnam War - 58,209
Gulf War I - 382
War on Terror (Includes
those killed on 9-11-01) - 5,859
* all causualty numbers were taken from official DOD sources here and here. September 11, 2001 casualty numbers were taken from here. I subtracted 19 from the 9-11-01 numbers because I chose not to include the terrorists in the total.
And now some quotes from our first president...
"I am sure that never was a people, who had more reason to acknowledge a Divine interposition in their affairs, than those of the United States; and I should be pained to believe that they have forgotten that agency, which was so often manifested during our Revolution, or that they failed to consider the omnipotence of that God who is alone able to protect them."
"Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."
George Wasington, 1732-1799
Commander, Continental Army
President, United States of America
Happy Birthday America!!
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